This was no ordinary sweater. This sweater had SUPER POWERS. Its special super power was ugly, not your usual ugly, but drop dead ugly. How ugly was it? Well when you looked up ugly in the dictionary a picture of this sweater was right next to it. So ugly that when I went to an ugly sweayer party all of the other ugly sweaters stopped and stared. Then they packed it in and went home with their tails between their legs. Now that you have a picture of my sweater, the story begins.
I found it in a resale shop in Georgetown in 1976. The sweater was large, shaggy, a black and blue shaggy thing with yellow, red, orange, green, and a strange shade of purple. It had big brown leather buttons. It was a cardigan and was first made some time in the 20’s or 30’s. It had a hand made label from some fancy boutique in New York, New York. It had dark leather patches on the elbows. I t was my pride and joy. I wore it all the time and got lots and lots of stares. Then I met my wife Joyce.
Joyce wasn’t as enamored with my sweater as I was. In fact she hated it and wouldn’t go out with me if I was wearing it. So, I would only wear it when II was out on my own. We soon moved in together and were married a year or so later. Two years after that we moved to Greebush Michigan. The sweater came along. I wore it less iften in Michigan, but it was still my favorite. Some time around April a few of my sweaters disappeared. I asked Joyce about it and she told me it wa put away with other winter clothing and would be brought back out in the fall.
I spent the summer with out my old friend. Until one day I as down at St Vincents in Tawas when I saw something hanging on a rack. I went over to this item and lo and behold, there was my ugly seater. I checked the color, blue and black bases with yellow, red, orange, green, and some strange purple. It had a hand made label from the same boutique in New York. Big brown leather buttons and dark patches on the elbows.
I was in shock. My wife had donated my pride and joy instead of stowing it away. I put it in, it fit perfedt. I took it up to the counter and paid three dollars for it, 17 dollars less the original price. Don’t worry, it gets better. Bill’s revenge. I took it home and hid it in closet. I had 3 months till Christmas and a plan began to take shape in my devious mind. I checked every week to make sure she hadn’t found it yet. Christmas came slowly, slowly.
A week before Christmas I wrapped my friend, put b ow on it, with a label with my name on it. I tucked it under the tree with other gifts. Christmas arrived and after coffee we started to open our gifts. The special package was way in the back. Slowly I dragged it out from under the tree and kinda looked at it. Then I found the label and said wit surprise it was for me. I pulled the wrapping off and low and behold again. My wifes jaw dropped, she stared blankly, and went silent. I pulled it and fluffed it. I held it up to my chest as she stared. Silent, dumb founded, with a stupid look on her face. It’s just my size I squealed. Merry Christmas Baby.
P.S. The elbows blew out two years later and I had to give it up to the bin.
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